Quitting

There are some days I just want to quit being an adult. I see pictures of a time when life was simpler. When I didn’t have to work 40 hours a week, or make sure bills get paid on time. When I didn’t have to think of another person’s well being all the time, or do dishes before going to work.

There was a time when even when things were challenging I wanted to keep going. I had a drive to push myself and accomplish something great because I could see an end in sight. College and even high school were marked with milestones built in to reset the excitement clock. Christmas break, final exams, summer break, school starting back up … and even more major, graduation. All that time I was working toward something — whether it was finishing a big project, completing a major week of TV productions, or writing a research paper — each task came with a crescendo and conclusion.

The truth is, it’s harder to find those milestones in adult life. Daily responsibilities become routine, a desk job becomes a way to spend time, evenings mush together with nothing to do in a small town but stay at home, and the next “big milestone” is having kids. The questions I keep asking myself are, “what am I looking forward to?” “what’s next?” and “what can I do so my life doesn’t become stagnant?”

Not an easy question to answer. It’s even harder when there are obstacles in the way of the things I actually want to achieve. Time, commitment, my conscience, unfounded guilt and fear. Opportunity presents itself and I’m anxiously waiting for God to give me a clear yes or no. I found comfort in the lyrics of this song:

Dry your eyes
I see you
Come inside the doorway
Don’t you hide, My child
Place your hand in Mine

I know, I know you
I know you know I love you
I know, I know you
My grace invites you
Home

Life nor death will keep you
You don’t have to fear
Nothing comes between us
In the end you’re Mine
You’ll be just fine
You’re Mine
In the end you’re Mine

I know, I know you
I know you know I love you
I know, I know you
(You know me, yes, You know me)
My grace invites you
(Your grace, it invites me)

— I Know You, Bellarive

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