It’s the last of day of August. When today ends, so does summertime. September begins a new month, a new season, a new school year. You wouldn’t think that the turning of a calendar page would bring so many changes, but this time of year it always seems to.
It’s my last year of college. This is it. After this I need to figure out what to do with the degree I have worked so hard to earn. But enough about that for now. There are bigger fish to fry before I need to worry about post-grad. My senior project for example. I can’t believe it’s finally here. I feel like it’s always been looming ahead of me, but every year I’ve only anticipated it. I never thought about what it would feel like to actually have to do this myself. It’s a little intimidating. I have a plan laid out .. in my head .. a little on paper .. ideas floating around. But now it’s coming to the point where I actually have to make something happen. I need to take my ideas and work with other people to make something happen. Sadly, I’ve been procrastinating this for about a week and a half now.
It hit me yesterday as I walked into the student center on campus. I’ve been doing this for 3 years now – the college thing. Every August I move back to campus. Every September I start new classes and buy books. I do homework at McConn. I spend time with my friends. Watching (apparently) new students walk through campus gives me a weird feeling. A feeling like my time here is up. I’m only taking classes full-time through December. Then in the spring it’s just one class and I’m done. For good. College has done it’s job, and I’m ready to move on.
I feel like when you have the feeling that you don’t fit in somewhere anymore, that’s when you know the end is coming. It’s not a bad thing … I just have an overwhelming feeling that times are changing and I don’t know if I’m as ready as I think I am. Half of my brain is saying, “you’re ready, time to get out of here and grow up,” and the other half is screaming, “I don’t want to grow up! I just want to stay where I’m comfortable.” It’s tough to be in the middle of the two halves of my mind. Scary place.
For now, I’ll take it a step at a time and a day at a time. Next step: walk home and make lunch. That much I know I can handle.