contentment at the bottom of a drawer

A few days ago, I found a T-shirt, size large, in my drawer. I bought it a few months back with every intention of giving it to my dad as a father’s day or birthday present, but our family didn’t give either holiday a lot of pomp and circumstance for various reasons, and the shirt slipped my mind.  A few days ago, I was looking for something comfortable to sleep in (I get bored of wearing the same thing to bed all the time), and I came across the shirt.

My first thought was that it wasn’t my shirt! The shirt was for my dad, so I couldn’t wear it … that wouldn’t be fair to the integrity of my purchase. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I missed wearing an oversized T-shirt to bed. So for the last few nights, I’ve worn the shirt that is two sizes too big, and loved it.

Tonight it hit me. Something as simple as a PJ T-shirt, reminded me of one more reason I don’t need a guy.  I don’t need a guy to provide me with a giant T-shirt to sleep in. I can find one myself, and there is no shame in that.  And this shirt is reliable. I know where it’s been, I know that it was clean when I first put it on, and I know there is no reason I’d have to give it back to someone. It’s my shirt to keep.

This all may seem kind of silly, but while my breakup was absolutely the action that needed to happen in my life, there are things I miss about being in a relationship.  Not all these things are as easily remedied as the T-shirt scenario. I can’t buy myself a nice date night, or a surprise bouquet of flowers. I can’t be another perspective or a listening ear or a strong pair of arms to hug myself. I have friends who are dating great guys who offer all these things to them, and it makes me happy for them, but sad for myself. I don’t know when I’ll have the ears, arms, and flowers again.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t need a guy to survive. I have a great supportive group of friends and family who love and care about me. They are great listeners, and offer advice when I need it, and want to be a part of my life in whatever way they can be. But there are some things a boyfriend/fiance/husband can do better. Dates, hugs, etc. I just don’t think it’s going to happen in the nearby future … unless God says otherwise. It’s not in my 4 year plan, but it might be in His.

For now, I’ll be content with my oversized T-shirt.

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